Preparing For A Puppy

HomePuppies! Puppies!Preparing For A Puppy

Before getting a puppy, ask yourself the following questions to determine if you can actually cope with and care for a puppy.

  1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
  2. Get up at 5 am, go out in the pouring rain, and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating “go potty! Quickly, please!”
  3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find (obviously not your dog’s, but just for practice.
  4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially on muddy days.
  5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor.
  6. Chop up sticks and branches from outdoors and spread them on your carpet.
  7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor, then walk barefoot over it in the dark.
  8. Drop chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning, and then try to clean it in the evening.
  9. Wear socks that have holes in them that you have made with the blender.
  10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door.
  11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair. Dark clothes get blond fur, and light clothes get dark fur.
  12. After ironing your clothes, dump them onto the floor and walk on them.
  13. Make small pinholes in all of your upholstered furniture, and make scratch marks on all chair and table legs.
  14. When washing dishes, splash water everywhere and do not wipe it.
  15. Before leaving the house, unroll and shred toilet paper, sprinkling it all over the house. Tidy it all up when you return.
  16. Turn down any last-minute or spontaneous trips.
  17. Go straight home after work or school and stay no longer than two hours at any social event.
  18. Walk outside no matter what the weather, and inspect every piece of paper, chewing gum, or fly you might find.
  19. Wake up at 3 a.m., place a 10# bag of flour on your chest, and try to sleep while wiping your face with a wet dishcloth that has been soaked in water that has been sitting out for a week.
  20. Repeat this list every day for at least 6 months, and if you still think that getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, you might be ready!